Find your partner

This morning I was sitting on the bus on my way to work and dozing off, texting morning messages to my girlfriend as is usually the case.

You see, I have been with my girlfriend for more than 3 years now but still we don't live in the same place. Luckily modern technology - and ever increasing travel budgets means that we are seeing more and more of each other, both through a screen and face to face. Recently, she was spending her vacation in Norway while I still had to work, and yesterday she went back to work as well. I already miss her, although I will see her again this weekend - and most weekends.

That's why the morning messages, naturally.

But I didn't start this post to describe the nature of our long distance relationship. Rather, as I had been getting used to having her around every morning when I woke up and every evening when I fell asleep I noticed that she was not there this morning.

There are many things that have been said about love and relationships and there are many singers, artists and poets have said it better than I ever could. But I will add one penny worth of thoughts to that.

How do I know if it's for real?
If you are dating someone for the first time, or just meeting them and have that tingling sensation, or if you are in a relationship and wondering if it could be serious - you know - if it's "meant to be", how can you know?

I think we often try to find a match based on who we are. F. ex. - do we share the same values or do we have the same interests? Can I be myself around this person? Can they be themselves? Can we date and not have to change?

Actually, I think those are valid and worthwhile thoughts. But there is one aspect that is missing.  

Who do we grow to become together?

The reason I know my relationship is "meant to be" is because every single day we grow together to become something more than the two individuals that met some years ago. And speaking of my part of that relationship, every day I am growing to become a better person in that symbiosis. I am becoming more caring, more considerate, more ambitious, more purposeful, more determined - more of all the things that I wish to become.

When the going gets tough...

Another thing I often hear is how a relationship is either good or bad. And often, it starts good - and gradually becomes bad. Well, I think that's based on some wrong expectations. If you are truly invested with your whole being into growing and become a symbiotic one, then obviously that's going to be both fun and frustrating, both exciting and difficult. What I have learned is that I have to invest every single day. Because a relationship is not a "status", it is a way of living - and it is something you shape every single day. That means to be everything you can be to help your partner grow. That means to enable and empower them to become their best selves. And that means to not ask "what am I getting out of this". You are NOT a customer. You are a partner. And partners invest, lead and manage together.

And if you do that, the returns are staggering, what you get is amazing.

In fact, I think the best leadership development course I ever took was the one I am living every day with my amazing girlfriend. Thank you for making me a better person. Thank you for being a part of us.