Today I was feeling abit like this. Some days, or perhaps, in some circumstances... Continously unable to communicate what you actually mean must be one of the most frustrating feelings that I go through. Supposedly I am verbally strong, but I don't think I am at all very good at expressing myself when it's crucial to be precise.
Today I felt like every time I said something, even the smallest thing, what I communicated was obviously something else. I mean, I thought I was saying one thing, but the reactions of those around me told me that I was saying something else. And the more I tried to say to get it right, the more I was saying things to get it wrong. Did every single person I talked to today get pissed off at me? I think it was pretty close - perhaps not the guy in the bikeshop...
And yet, I don't feel like I was in any bad mood or had any such intentions at any point today. Dear me, perception is everything. Reality is what others see, not what I believe.
Working continously to improve myself along certain dimensions is the toughest project I have ever started. This path, of which this blog is meant to be a sort of personal confession, is without a doubt the most difficult one I have ever walked down. What really makes it hard is that sometimes I feel like I am not learning anything. Feeling like I just slipped on some slippery step and fell back down to the start. Doesn't sound too optimistic, does it?
Knowing that the only way forward is to carry onself up by the scruff of one's own neck, that is for sure what I'll do. But right now I prefer the closet for one evening. Perhaps a shoulder to cry on? Never mind - no shoulder around. Think I scared away everyone in my life at least for one day.
What a day.
you didn't piss me off yesterday :) the only problem is the language barrier, but we can work on that :D.
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