From individual to team to individual to leader

It's difficult to find time to write about one's life when it is passing by in a whirlwind. But the faster life moves the more important it becomes to hold on to those rails of steadfastness which we have created around ourselves.

Keeping in mind what is important and what is permanent. Looking up and around for what should be different and where change should lie. To find direction. Just because we are going at 100 miles per hour doesn't mean we are going in the right direction. And if it's not the right direction, then surely we are moving away from our target, right?

To quote Yogi Berra: We are lost, but we're making good time.

Within my new role, our new team had our first common objective. Deliver an amazing national conference which was going to represent a milestone and a point of change for our organization. We were going to bring the organization back to its basics, get the members enthusiastic about changing peoples live on a daily basis through exchange and leadership.

At the same time we ourselves were about to commence our journey towards building a team. What kind of team? With some experience of being part of a leadership body on one level, I was sure looking forward to starting "all over again". How confident we are, with hindsight, that given the chance to remake all of our choices, we would not make the same mistakes again?

And how blisfully we ignore our incompetence of choice and direction, our inability to predict the consequences of our actions, even after it has been made abundantly clear to us that we do not possess that sort of ability.

We this in mind (or not!) our team was going to be build right. It was going to be built from the start. We have great individuals, we see a common direction and purpose, we are dedicated and passionate and we actually like eachother!!

Yet here we were, only a few days after getting to know eachother, already unsure about eachothers roles, already probing and testing one another, and already concerned about our working together! WOW. I must say it is a truly humbling experience for me. It is actually what makes the concept of a team so exciting. It is hard. Damn hard. If it wasn't, what would be the point or the challenge?

I think we are on the right track though. I think we are starting to see the contours of a team which is ready to perform together, for one another, towards a common goal and purpose and having a great time doing so.

The conference was a great success. The changes we can see in the organization, in the attitudes, in the way people are talking are noticeable. Hey, who knows whether that has anything to do with us at all, but seeing as nobody else is going to take credit I most definitely am. In order to keep believing in the directon one is leading towards, one is absolutely dependent on telling oneself that one is getting somewhere. Sometimes that is tangible, but most of the time I guess it's not. Management is easy to measure - but leadership and the effects of it isn't.

Zip. Point. Finito.

Teambuilding over. Conference over. Members spread back to their old roles, to their old teams, to their old responsibilities. I am spread back to my local reality. And our local joys and pains.

I am probably the person pushing the hardest for delivering a hardcore, kickass transition in order to help our new leadership team "avoid all the pitfalls that we stumbled into". Off course, I know this isn't possible. Some hardships every person has to go through for themselves. But some things can be learned from others experience also - surely. If not, where would humankind be today? Surely not blogging on computers...

So irony has it, that I have to cancel on my new and old EB team when it came to EB to EB transition weekend. Everyone else went. I didn't. Bloody part-timer! Actually people in my family were turning ill and so was I, so I chose to take care of those close to me. Right choice? Probably. Hard choice for me? Definitely.

So I am leading, I am committed, but when it comes down to some execution I am unable due to some circumstances. Does that make the effort pointless? Or was my pushing for the weekend instrumental in it happening despite my non-attendance? Who knows.

Easter.

LX: L+X:

Leading by example. Leadership+Exchange. I keep writing this on my hand, I keep telling myself this, and it is the one concept which I truly and really do believe in when it comes to leadership. I must be the example for myself. Only that is leadership. Only then am I leading myself.

Yet, when does it end? Where does it start? Do you become the role or does the role become you? Are you a leader all the time? What about your personal life? What about in the toilet when you are singing to yourself? What about that morning when you can't even lead yourself out of bed? What about that bad joke you let slip, which you didn't really mean? What about not working out when you should? What about those problems with your mother? How about those clothes you are wearing? Where does it start? Where does it end?

This month I am coming to the end of my 4 month personal development plan. I have conciously tried to develop more awareness of others around me and better incoming communication skills. I believe I have succeeded, but not entirely. These are definitely not off the chart, but I am putting them in second line for now, to see whether effects there are permanent when I take away some conciousness.

This week I will make 3 important choices:

1. How can I be flexible enough to take on the role I am being asked to?

2. Which areas of personal development should I focus on next?

3. In which ways can I create a learning environment for myself that fosters this development?

Romania

Sunday a little over two weeks ago I left Norway for Romania.

I was extremely excited as I had never at all been to eastern Europe before. I went to Prague once when I was around 14 with my dad, but that doesn't really count. One of the many simple things I have understood about myself since joining AIESEC, it's that I haven't really travelled much at all. I used to think I had seen alot of the world and was a well aware of cultural differences, languages etc.

Then I realised I had never really ventured outside the "western" world, which made me realise I had been fooling myself. Sure, I have lived in the US, UK, Italy and Norway. Sure I speak Enlighs, German, French, Italian and Norwegian. Sure, I have been on week-long holidays to Egypt and Singapore.

But what am I left with? Pretty much a narrow world-view without perspective, without understanding the larger implications of a world growing at an ever faster pace. But what is happening outside my own little bubble? When am I going to get a more holistic and real understanding which corresponds closer to how people work and cultures interact?

Romania

It's a first step at least. And I was not going on holiday - I was going on a conference. Now, I am not going to claim that I somehow in a few days, where I was mostly interacting with AIESECers from different parts of the world in a hotel, I got a deeper understanding of Romania, of eastern Europe or of anything else. But, hey, it's a start, right?

Moving around Bucharest on the very first day I must admit I was surprised. Firstly, I don't think I actually realised how deep-rooted the Soviet style construction heritage was still stuck, almost 20 years after the revolution. Secondly, clearly the image I had of Romania and Romanians is fucked up by the society I live in. I was positively surprised, pretty much by everything.

What impressed me the most was young Romanian students I met. In addition to the AIESECers, who I assumed would be pretty ambitous talented and capable, I was strongly impressed by the general attitude of the young people I came across. The go get them attitude, the positive curiosity about the world around them, and the pointed questions they asked struck me as far more proactive than what I am used to from Norway.

I guess that's what happens when a society wakes up and realizes it wants to go somewhere - fast.

I liked it alot.

Quite a cool experience, though perhaps fairly simple, was Romanian money. All notes are made out of plastic, which make them more or less impossible to tear apart, and give them a very special feeling when you are holding them. I found it very, very funny.

Bucharest is a huge city. Driving around mostly by bus, and sometimes by metro, I kept getting lost, not really understanding where we were. As every other tourist, I too had to visit the houses of parliament, that crazy building (second biggest in the world apparently) built by Ceaucescu while the Romanian people were starving. I wonder how that happens. I clearly don't know enough about Romanian history to go into the details in any way, but what happened to leadership? What happened to values and actually leading according to a given set of moral parameters? How can we as a world avoid this from happening?

As I mentioned above I was in Romania for a conference, more specifically EURO XPRO, the conference for future LCPs (Local Committee Presidents) and MCVPs (National Committee vice presidents) in AIESEC in the CEE (Central and Eastern Europe) and WENA (Western Europe and North America) regions. Pretty much most of the leadership body of these two regions for the next year.

As always, AIESECers impress me. I still cannot pinpoint what it is about this organization that makes it the hub for reflected, ambitous, funloving, serious and exciting young people - but there is no doubt in my mind that it is. No other setting that I have seen or experienced is even close to this. I feel very, very privileged.

Anyway. The opening day, which was monday, had three main events.

The first was a visit to the Romanian royal family, who were chased when the Communist Revolution came after the second world war. We had the privilege og meeting Prince Radu, who spent some time speaking to us about the future generations of Romania and the world. It was a once in a lifetime experience.

The second was Global Village, which was in the centre of Bucharest with hundreds if not thousands of people visiting all of our different countrystands, traditional dances and country shouts and performances. Really awesome experience, although perhaps six hours was slightly too long. :-)

After that, quick changing and and running back and forth, the third event came along, which was the official opening ceremony that evening. Not everyone seemed to enjoy it - but I have no idea why. I really liked it. It showcased dancing and singing performances, some very inspiring speeches and last not least a real feeling of opening.

The speech I enjoyed the most was about the inherent conflict between wanting to learn today to make an impact in the future, and the impact we are doing today. The real question is whether you learn enough to even have an impact in a distant tomorrow, if you don't genuinely try to have an impact today?

The next day there was another event where AIESEC was interacting with the external world through a forum called World Cafe. It gave us the chance of discussing some world issues with bright young Romanian students. It really opened my eyes.

The rest of the conference, from Tuesday afternoon to sunday, was "AIESEC only". We went by bus to Mangalia, which is around 4,5 hours from Bucharest on the coast of the black sea. The first evening of the conference was mostly dedicated to getting to know eachother, connecting abit and finding out about everyone else. It also set the stage for the 4 days of intensive learning ahead of us from that point.

Now, I am not going to go into any dreadfully boring details about what happened on the next four days. Suffice to say it was another shock to my system. Another challenging and intesive experience which opened my eyes even further. I wonder when this feeling of continously feeling helplessly knowledgeless will eventually subside? When will I stop being surprised and excited about that wonderful world out there? I hope never.

My favourite moment of the conference was making this video with some new friends I met:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heiIQC-eAHQ

It was absolutely awesome. We were simply given half an hour to describe the state of the world today and we decided that the world we are seeing is a beautiful one full of differences and potential, but also full of love and similarities. You be the judge :-)

I also got to know some very special people along the way. If you are reading this you know who you are. You are changing me and I love you for it.

On the sunday after it was time to go back to Norway. I have understood a few things about myself. First of all I want to get to know Romania alot better, along with the rest of eastern Europe. Secondly, the world out there is scaring me a little bit. Actually, no. Alot. What awaits me?

The only way of finding out is to keep living life to the fullest.

Legacy?

I have now held my elected leadership position for over 10 months. It is almost a year to the day that I was elected. I feel like I have learnt alot. I feel like I have understood things about prioritizing, finding direction, leading a team, working with people and enabling others that I didn't even have any idea existed a mere year ago.

But what will be my legacy? A few months after I am gone, will anything I have spent hours and days trying to accomplish be sustainable? Will it remain when I am gone or will it simply be a case of alot of dust left behind?

In terms of our EB, I really feel like we have tried doing things that I do not know if anyone else at our LC has tried. I feel like we have put in an extraordinary amount of effort in order to achieve something that we at least at times all have cared passionately about. However, right now, it all feels a litle bit pointless.

Only 3 people have applied for EB positions. Perhaps we will be able to get a couple more to apply, but this will surely include up to 3 new people. Now, clearly we have recruited and gotten these people to where they are today. Why have we not succeeded in putting in place an EB on top of our shoulders, to carry further what we so passionately believe in? What will happen to our LC?

As for my own team I have not been able to ensure a successor either. Of course, some of this has to do with allocation priorities. The EB made a decision that the TM team was not going to get the high potential future leaders in September, because we felt it could be strong temporarily and then get high potential leadership candidates in February. Then we decided that nobody was going to be allocated to TM in february, meaning that the team has absolutely no sustainable future.

Out of a total of 6 people allocated to TM in September, 2 left for exchanges through school in january/february. 1 has started working full time, and might yet leave on exchange but isn't going to be around next year in Oslo. 1 is travelling abroad, quite possibly through exchanage next fall. The last two consist of one person who feels that a leadership position at this point is simply too much work, too much pressure. The last person, who was going to be part of team specific recruitment just quit, citing school and time pressure - she wasn't going to be here next year though. In fact, out of the 6 allocated in september, 5 were never going to be in Oslo at all.

A last person, reallocated to the team in january, is also leaving next year.

In total my own team has nobody who has applied for a leadership role. It has only 1 person who is going to be here next year.






Sustainability?






Legacy?






Leadership?






What is happening, of course, is anything but good leadership. Believing in the future, without ability to plan for contingency. Inability to put first what should be first. What will happen? I don't know.

At this point the first week of April is going to be spent recruiting 3 people for Talent Management, specifically with leadership role in mind for at least one of them. Is this possible? I guess we will see.

Do I feel confident? Not so much.

What about our EB? Will our understanding and learning throughout 10 months at all be transmitted on? Again - do we care enough?

We had 4 priorities for our year. We are probably not going to achieve any of them to a greater extent. For a long time we were even refuting the push for more immediate results on exchange with the answer that building a strong and sustainable LC was a bigger priority...

Will we succeed? What will be our legacy?

1. The EB that tried, failed and stopped caring?
2. The EB that tried, failed, tried again, failed, tried again - and cared
enough to not let themselves fail?

I guess we will see. We have 7 weeks left.

Team

It is sunday evening, and I have barely slept for the last week. I am sitting on my sofa and in a not too long it will hit me how tired I should be.

But I can't really feel it right now. Right now I feel empowered in a way that I cannot remember ever having been empowered. What a feeling to be part of a team where people give everything and stretch themselves beyond what you would ever expect to deliver on a plan, on a goal on a vision.

We had Local Seminar this weekend. My team has spent so much time in order to get this weekend JUST RIGHT. All of them were holding sessions (brilliantly might I add). All of them were stepping up and taking responsibility not only for themselves - but for others. Not because I told them to, not because they were required to. They just did it.

I am proud. Really, really proud. I am proud of our team and what we are doing. I think I am starting to learn some really invaluable lessons when it comes to leading a team. Direction and vision - quite simply common PURPOSE - is a drop of magic that empowers people to go beyond themselves, to support one another, standing shoulder to shoulder to carry on towards a common direction.

I was getting tearful today when I was trying to tell them how I felt. I almost couldn't even finish the sentence, as I was close to having tears of pride and joy running down my cheeks. It really feels like we are becoming a great team now. It really feels like we are going places where I have never been before in my life.

What amazing feeling - and what a dangerous feeling... All of a sudden one raises ones eyes and sees that sky's the limit. Never-ending opportunities, never-ending goals that one could reach out and grab if one wants to. Who's going to stop you? Who is going to tell you that it cannot be done?

There are no limits to what can be done. I am never ever going to let anyone tell me that something is too ambitious, that something cannot be done, that something is too much. The limits we see are limits we set for ourselves in our mind. In some absurd attempt to shield our mind off from the thoughts, feelings, creativity, imagination, dreams, hopes and wishes that we actually have. That we actually see clearly in front of us when we are sleeping late at night, when we are reflecting upon our own reality, future and ideas.

Why do we limit ourselves to this degree? I do not know.

Perhaps team is the solution? That feeling of being a part of something larger, where one dares to unfold oneself, and push oneself? Perhaps here the limits can be erased?

I am honoured to have a team to lead like the one I have. They are more than patient with me, always willing to support me and listen to me, even in my most crazy moments. They give me an energy and and a joy which I cannot describe. Thank you.

Where do we push on from here? We will see tomorrow!

Looking foward to travelling again

Been back in Oslo since the 12th of January now. That means three weeks tomorrow. It might not seem so much, but to me it's too much. I become restless when I stay in one place for too long. I start getting bored with myself, my surroundings, well basically anything.

Last fall I didn't travel at all from when I came back from Malta in the middle of november until the end of december. By the end of it I was desperate. I was stressed, people were being stressed by me, and I was certainly not a particularly happy company. Then I went away, first to Sweden and Germany, then to Trondheim. Now I am good.

Now I have been in Oslo for three weeks, and they have indeed been wonderful weeks. Not that everything always goes well, or one is always happy with everything. But I am happy. That is, I feel well. So even when things are going hayway around me, I remain calm. I am, somehow, at peace with myself.

If I am good with myself I am usually good with those around me too. I am usually able to help people, have fun, I have patience with them, I don't get too angry too quickly and I enjoy my surroundings, no matter what they are. Moreover, I have more energy so that I can actually shape and change my surroundings, which of course mean they will be better suited to me at that particular point in time.

I guess my girlfriend moving here has alot to do with that tranquility. Even without really being aware of it, the fact that she was so far away was tearing at me. Not at our relationship as such, but on me as a person. Not because I was doubting, but because it was difficult to adjust and be there for her when she needed me. It became like a constant pain in the side, with which I had to live. At any given time it wasn't really a problem, but over time it became exhausting.

Now that she is here, I feel like the pieces are falling back into place, that I am somehow whole again. She has been here a week now, and already my life has improved. My appartment is turning into a real home for her and me. Yesterday, we did the all-important relationship IKEA-test. That is, a whole day at IKEA without falling out, without disagreeing, without getting annoyed at eachother... My friend told me that we might as well get married now. Perhaps.

My girlfriend is definitely an important factor. But, she is not the only factor. I need to travel again. I need to change my surroundings again, just for a couple of days, just for a weekend. I haven't been to Italy, which for over two years was my regular scenery-changer since september. But somehow it seems harder to travel to Italy now. It seems a little further away from where I am in life right now. I will definitely have to make some time, sometime this spring.

But I am going to travel. Not to Italy, though. To Germany. In two weeks my grandmother is celebrating her 85th birthday, and inviting all branches of the family. I cannot wait. It will do me some real good to again see something else. Anyway, I haven't been to see the German part of my family collectively since 2004 - that is 5 years ago. And back then, I wasn't doing too well at all. Now I am.

Ah well. Life is good I guess. In any case, I have decided that I am going to take that attitude. From now on, I AM going to be positive. I AM going to look at the bright sides of life. I AM going to enjoy every moment of the ride.

"A case of the mondays"

Today made me think of that phrase from "Office Space". I love that movie! Absolutely fantastic.

It should be obligatory viewing really, about the dangers of living a life in a modern world without consideration for what one enjoys doing and where one wants to go in life. So f***ing great! And funny too.

In any case I wonder what "the mondays" means. I mean, I understand that it means what we call "blåmandag" in Norwegian (literally blue monday). It means that after the weekend where presumably one has been relaxing it can be harsh to return to the daily struggles of work/school or whatever it is one days on a monday. However, this whole concept basically presumes that what one does on a monday isn't really what one wants to be doing. It is the weekend (presumably) that is great, where one can do whatever one wants. Which, again, one cannot supposedly do on a monday, or any other day of the 5-day week.

Well - that is quite simply - awful! To live ones life, that is, by definition 5/7 (71%) of ones life in order to have a great weekend is surely the worst invention humans have ever come up with. I mean, you spend most of your life, in order to have a good time the remains of your life.

I don't think I have the mondays. I mean, I appreciate a good weekend with a different schedule as well, but it's during the week that I do what I love. Interacting with people, learning, challenging myself, having fun, being stressed (in a good way!) etc.

My attitude is that if people are having the mondays then they are not doing the right thing in their life, or they are not doing that thing the right way for them. It's like Steve Jobs says in that speech online from his speech at Stanford that you should live every day like its your last and that if your own answer to that is no for too many days in a row, you should change something. Probably that was entirely misquoted but that's what I understand out of it anyways.

People will tell me that "sometimes you have to do things you don't like in order to get things you like later", and surely they are right, at least on some basic level. However, my general answer would be - "really?". "Are you sure?". "Why?". I mean, surely things can be great and fun and exciting to a varying degree, but I believe that mostly one can find great and fun things every day - and every monday in particular. I mean - a new week is new beginnings, just like any morning is. What a great day that particular day might turn out to be!

Are you having a bad case of the mondays? You should ask yourself why and do something to change that. Starting next monday.

Football

In a couple of hours my team will again play another match. Bologna. Away. Who cares?

Once upon a time not so long ago I would have been full og tension, waiting anxiously for the two hours of play on the not so green surface of the Dall'Ara. Now I am still waiting, and still with some anticipation, but the magic has gone. The self-illusion bubble has burst. Can it ever be restored? Would I even want it to be restored?

Football is funny business, no matter what perspective one takes. Mine has, for the last few years, been that of a fan. Now, many might say that the fans perspective is a passive one. They might say that being a fan you are nothing more but subject to others actions and reactions, and you subject yourself passively to a life of watching and spectating.

I do not share this view. At least, I do not share it without reservation. My perspective of a fan was always a very active one. Whole days would be adrenalin. Whole weekends or even longer would be spent in nighttrains with strangers, sleeping restlessly, sweating and smelly, simply to get that feeling of being an animal in a cage.

In away games I would stand there. Part of a group, part of something larger than myself. Devoting all my voice, my strength and my feelings to our colours. All my energy to our glory. And the glory was only projected by what happened on the field. We were the glory. Our chants. In canto.

Being a fan is interesting. It is the greatest form of self-illusion there can possibly be. Just like a religion, one convinces onself of the objective importance of an event one cannot reasonably affect. One says in effect that what other people are doing is going to matter to me, and my well-being. Then one takes it a step further and convinces oneself that one can actually influence these events. Wear the right scardf. Put the right sock on first Sit on the same seat. Never predict the result before the game. Never talk about the opposition. Always take the same tram to the stadium. Always consider the same rituals. Like religion one gives importance to rituals, to a creed, to a way of seeing and believing things. Unlike religion, there is no after-life, no larger reason beyond what happens here and now.

Then the magic breaks. Why? How?

Well, how can you keep going to a church if the priest tells you there is no God? How can you pray when the Pope tells you it is only for fun? How can you keep an illusion up, that even the illusionists do not approve of?

Well, you can't.

The magic is gone.

Bologna-Milan. Today. 15.00. Forza Milan.