Just started properly with the coaching of my team members this term. Not quite sure whether the relationships are producing the desired outcome yet, but I believe they are getting there. It gives me alot to work with such intelligent and challenging people all the time.
I always realise something more about myself after I have had a chat with one of them, which I'm not even sure they are realising.
Yesterday was the first session of the 5 week leadership development program we are holding. It was really good I thought. It seemed like everyone had fun, I certainly did, we were able to dig into ourselves quite a bit, and we actually opened up as people to one another. I really appreciated this. I was reallly nervous beforehand, because it's again a new experience, something I have never done before, never even tried doing, and all of a sudden I am just doing it.
Makes you wonder - all these experiences - where does it end?
The snow is melting now. Its around 1 degree outside, and it slowly bur surely turning into mush. Such a shame. Naively, I was thinking it was going to be happy super-duper cold and dry and loads of snow for the rest of the winter. WRONG.
And I didn't even have the chance to ski. Perhaps this weekend? But it would have to be sunday. I guess we will see..
Really quite nice this evening with my LCP. I always appreciate him so much, when I get to talk to him one on one. It's strange. Him and me are quite different from alot of aspects, but we simply get along well. It's just bouncing ideas of eachother, chilling, having a great time etc.
We had quite an interesting discussion right at the end. We were talking about priorities and we were disagreeing. Where he said that he could understand work commitments going before EB meetings, he couldn't see how training times should be prioritized. Even though I agree in the sense that training is surely one of the things one can adapt in time, more easily than work usually, i don't agree with the basic premise.
Surely, for all individuals, any priority is their priority? How come we are standardizing which priorities are the right ones and which ones are the wrong ones? In my opinion this is one of the great freedoms of life - to be allowed to make those choices ourselves. Then I started wondering whether we really make them ourselves and to what degree they are simply subject to what we are already fitting into ready made cartboxes... Then I realised I shouldn't think so much in abstract terms. People tell me I do that alot. I like it. But I also like concrete things... I guess I'm just weird perhaps?
Looking forward to going to Romania in March. I've never been there. I'm actually embarrassed to say, but I've never been anywhere in what used to be eastern Europe, with the exception of a couple of days in the Czech Republic with my father and brother when I was 14... Thats bloody 13 years ago!!!!
I want to travel more. Not only in the sense to see things, but more in the sense to experience more. To live more alternative paths, so I can see more opportunities, more ways, more options.
Yesterday I had my coach helping me out with my own personal development plan. I really want to set up one that helps me becoming more adapt. I really want to become more aware of others, and better at perceiving and listening. Often I guess it's also a question of being perceived. I would like to be better at adapting, so that I don't force others into defensive positions. It happens too much, and I don't intend to.
What I am trying to do is to ask some questions of myself every evening after a long day, to try to conciously analyse my behaviour. I am going to try to expand on this with time, I think. I feel that in the last few weeks, perhaps two months, my self-awareness has gained another dimension. I see now not only things about myself directly, but also more indirect impacts of myself on others, and I am trying to finetune certain aspects to allow others space around me, so they feel comfortable around me - not threatened. Who wants to threaten people anyways? Talk about useless, short term strategy to achieve anything...
I heard somewhere that dogs aren't aware of their own physical size. I don't know whether this is true (and I don't know how you would even go about finding out if it's true: "Hello dog, do you know how big you are?) but I am just going to use it as a metaphor. I think sometimes I'm like that. I am a 1.93 tall man with a dark voice, imposing physical appearance, quite aggressive in discussions, strong opinions and very self-confident. But sometimes I forget. And I don't realise automatically what these external and internal factors bring about when it comes to reactions with others. Independently of my intentions. I thought of this metaphor because it's kind of different if you see a large german sheppard barking and growling at you. You might become quite scared. If a tiny dachs did the same you might only laugh and think it was cute. The behaviour would be the same from the dogs, but the effect on you quite different.
Sometimes I am like the german sheppard. I might not be any more scary than a dachs from my point of view, but that hardly matters! Perceptions are reality.
The thing is - I know this. I know this rationaly and I even realise it quite often in different situations. But every now and then I seem to forget that I am a German Sheppard. But of course, the people seeing the German Sheppard don't forget... I wonder why?
One could do he whole psycho analysis thing. Look into my troubled childhood when I was smaller of statue and commanded little or no respect by anyone anyways, and shouting the loudest was a reasonable way to get my way. I sure became good at shouting. But surely I must adapt. Surely I must see the reality the way it is now. This is what I need to take into consideration to a larger degree.
I wonder if I'll be able to in the long run. My goal is to adapt my natural behaviour so that I can get more out of interactions with others.
Ah well - I guess I will find out.
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